I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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