would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
