I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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