Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
