listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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