Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
