When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize