What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
