Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
