I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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