Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she peed on how many people?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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