first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
