Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
