It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize