There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
