Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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