So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
