are you still at the devil's house?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
