i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
