good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
