I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
