Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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