i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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