One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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