Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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