im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
