No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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