There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize