Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
