It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
