I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
