You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize