Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
