I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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