Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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