i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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