I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
