I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
