you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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