Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
