stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
