I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
