White coat. Heels.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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