She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
