It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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