I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
