somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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