wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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