Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
