If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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