Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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