You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
