D3 body, D1 cock
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
