Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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