if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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