so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
