why didn't you poke me back
my sisters under your porch take her home
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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