Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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