the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
