You're completely useless in the revolution.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize