...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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