so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
