I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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