Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize