You made me cry and you don't even care
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
