well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
