So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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