Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
