I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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