What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
