And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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