McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
