i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
