ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
