His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
