i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
