My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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