you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
