I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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