so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
