Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
