fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
