So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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