There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
