I faked an abortion last night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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