Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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