I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
