thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
