Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
