wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
