He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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