Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
