i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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