Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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