No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
