my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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