i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I will be naked everywhere
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
